Your Roommate Doesn't Have to be Your Best Friend

As a Resident Adviser (RA), I was there to aid students when they had roommate problems. They happen a lot more often than you would think and I had heard so many different situations, and no two are the same. Transitioning to living in a smaller space with another person can be hard. Sometimes the “issue” was as simple as not knowing how to ask the other person to buy the toilet paper, other times it was a lifestyle difference (morning person v. night owl, prioritizing studies v. practicing music late at night, etc.) However, the most common conflict that I saw stemmed from having different boundaries or different expectations for the room. When it comes to boundaries, you have to talk about them! To coexist in a healthy manner, it is important to talk about what you want from each other, the space, and even financial things such as who will buy the trash bags. Most problems can be solved through setting those boundaries and talking about conflicts as they arise. Conflict is normal, the result comes from how you decide to deal with it. 

So, what happens when it doesn’t go the way you were hoping? First, take a deep breath. Before you decide to leave a sticky note with all of your grievances on your roommate’s mirror, take a breath, maybe sleep on it, and then it wouldn’t be a bad idea to talk to your Resident Adviser. They are trained in this sort of stuff and depending on the situation, can help you with the issue or give you pointers on what to say. Again, communication is important. Not sure what to say? Go to your RA for guidance. 

Even if there isn’t necessarily a conflict and you aren’t as close as you wished for, there is still great potential to get a lot out of your residence hall experience. Talk to your neighbors! The people across the hall, down the hall, or even a floor above are still in a close vicinity to hang out and create memories. Although you aren’t in the same room, you are close enough to make plans, or casually hang out like you would a roommate. Personally, this is what I did, and we happen to still be great friends! If you’re nervous about just going up to people, (even if you aren’t) house and hall events give you the perfect opportunity to meet people close to your room. The RAs plan these very frequently, so keep an eye out on what is happening around your hall. Pro tips: You don’t have to be a resident of that floor to go to their event most of the time and if there is something specific you want, you can just ask the RA and they will probably work on it with you! There are always a wide range and variety of different activities from hikes, to movie nights, Sunday Night Football, to drinking chocolate milk with ten other people on the floor. These events are a great way to take advantage of what is happening around you and a great place to meet your friends. 

All in all, remember sometimes your experience isn’t what you expected it to be. But that is okay, you don’t have to be besties. There are plenty of other places, times, and events to make friends and memories in the residence halls. Remember that communication and boundaries are essential to creating a healthy coexistence with a roommate. No matter what, your RA is here for you and there is a group of friends you can find. They just might be from unexpected places.