Taking Control
"Instead of letting anxiety control me, I use it as a reminder of how much I care about what I do. My sport has taught me patience, balance, and resilience. But most importantly it has helped me discover who I am outside of swimming."
Taking Control
Growing up as a swimmer, anxiety was something that followed me both in and out of the pool. The pool has been both my safe place and my biggest source of anxiety.
When I was younger, swimming started out as something simple, just me, the water, and the freedom and joy it gave me. But as I got older and started competing more seriously, that sense of joy began to turn into stress. Every race felt like it meant everything. Every mistake, every slow time, felt personal. Every practice felt like a test of whether I was good enough. The pressure to perform, the fear of disappointing others and fear of failure made me feel like I was swimming against more than just the clock. I was swimming against my own mind.
As I got older and began competing at a higher level, that anxiety never went away, instead it became a bigger part of my life. Anxiety followed me into every meet, every practice and everyday. I questioned everything, my training, my performance. This feeling weighed on my shoulders, whispering doubts every time I stepped on a block and entered a pool. The sport that once brought me peace, now started to feel like a constant reminder of everything I was struggling to control.
Slowly I began to realize that anxiety wasn't something I could ever get rid of or control. It was something I had to learn to live with, to manage, even channel into motivation. I began shifting my focus away from chasing perfection and approval from coaches and others and toward simply being present in the moment. I started to understand that my worth wasn't defined by my times or rankings, and that perspective helped me fall back in love with the sport, reminding myself why I started swimming in the first place.
Now as a collegiate athlete, in my 3rd year, I still deal with anxiety, but I handle it differently. I've learned that it's okay to have tough days, to admit when I'm struggling and not hide how I'm feeling, and to lean on my teammates for support. Instead of letting anxiety control me, I use it as a reminder of how much I care about what I do. My sport has taught me patience, balance, and resilience. But most importantly it has helped me discover who I am outside of swimming.