Facing The Fear Of Failure
"Being kind to yourself–despite the outcome–for taking a risk is the most restorative feeling."
When my swim and dive coaches handed out our goal sheets at the beginning of my freshman and sophomore seasons, I remember staring at the piece of paper, terrified of writing–of solidifying–any goal because the future outcomes felt too far out of my control.
I couldn’t risk admitting my hopes and dreams when the possibility of failing—and all the discomfort that comes with it—could be sitting right around the corner. And I couldn’t admit to being a failure. I needed to be perfect.
In today’s society, perfectionist ways are highly glorified. People are so invested in success and the achievement of goals, that they define themselves through their accomplishments (or what they don’t accomplish). When you do well, you are a praised success. When you don’t do well, you're shamed for failure.
This is especially true for athletes as many of us define ourselves by the amount of wins or losses, by the scores of our dives, by the times of our races, etc. There’s this innate desire to be perfect, to strive for the best possible performance every single time.
But–and I hate to break it to you–it’s impossible.
Perfection is not something to strive for. It’s innately more about avoiding failure and less about achieving success. From this fear of failure, anxiety flourishes and personal growth is stunted.
How do we expect ourselves to succeed, if every risk we take is focused on avoiding mistakes and striving for perfection?
In all honesty, I deeply struggled during my first two years of college.
Beginning college entails immensely difficult life transitions, especially when starting as a collegiate athlete. Entering into a new atmosphere, a new training site, and a new team can all be quite overwhelming.
Not only did I put astronomical amounts of pressure on myself, but I wasn’t achieving my goals, I wasn’t swimming fast enough, and I wasn’t the athlete I wanted to be. My performances weren’t perfect, and I wanted to quit. In my eyes, I was a failure.
If you had asked me how my first two seasons as a college athlete went, I would’ve chuckled and said “Yeah, not good.”
After experiencing many mental breakdowns and attending therapy, I came to the most important realization: I’m not Becca, the athlete. I’m Becca, and I’m an athlete. I can do great things, and I can make mistakes.
I am more than the sum of my athletic performances, I am more than the sum of what I do or don’t accomplish, both within and outside my sport.
After just completing my junior season, one of the biggest goals I worked for all season was not met... And you know what? I am totally okay with that.
Allowing space for imperfection and being okay with failure is one of the most significant ways I’ve grown into the person I am today.
Being kind to yourself–despite the outcome–for taking a risk is the most restorative feeling. Regardless of what I didn’t achieve this season, I am still so proud of myself for showing up.
Healing is never linear, and I still struggle with perfectionism to this day. But I’ve learned to find freedom in my imperfections.
No longer feeling defined by my successes or lack thereof, I can embrace new challenges, put myself out there, learn from criticism, and be my fully authentic self.
Always remember, your failures and mistakes don’t define you: how you respond to them and grow from them speaks to who you truly are.
My name is Becca Burrows. I am on the Swim and Dive team here at Northern. I am a Junior ,majoring in both psychology and sociology. I am from Grand Rapids, Michigan.