A World Bigger Than Yourself - Student Equity and Engagement Center

As I wrote this blog, I found myself reevaluating my life. I was in a state of mourning, as I was grieving my retirement as an athlete—the loss of a part of myself I had grown to love and cherish.

My social life, identity, schedule, and relationship with sports felt like it completely changed. I had processed my career ending as a closing book. Something I could never open back up again. In reality those parts of me that I loved so much are still there.

I reached out to my friends back home, and my family. I told them how I felt, and all the
struggles I had been dealing with since ending my career. My conversations with them as well as the other seniors helped me tremendously. I hope my experience will connect with someone who might find themselves in a similar situation. Know you're not alone.

Over the past couple of months I have realized I couldn't sit around and wait for someone to give me a purpose, I needed to be proactive. I had to understand my goals in life changed. Part of why athletics was so appealing to me was because I was given a goal to achieve. “A goal bigger than yourself,” as I put it. Instead of thinking of a goal as the same person I was while I was in athletics, I should push myself to reshape how I view my identity and my goals.

My focus isn't to be the best teammate I can be for my team anymore. I have had to shift my focus to be the best person I can be for myself. I needed to find an identity of my own, and find natural motivation within those identities.

The first and most important thing I realized after my retirement was I didn't need to be at practice to speak with my teammates. Initially, I felt I couldn’t talk to my friends because I wasn’t at practice—I felt I couldn't talk and connect with them like I used to. Even though they are still as busy as you were as an athlete and their schedules are just as tight, your friends will always make time for you.

Your support system remains the same as before.

Second, I want to channel my passion and energy into my schoolwork, so I can use my degree to help as many people as I possibly can. I truly love my field of study, it is a part of who I am. You can ask anyone on my team, they will tell you I never stop talking about politics. Instead of studying for myself, I remind myself I need to study for those who couldn't. It's a blessing to have the time to read and learn.

You can find success and purpose in other forms of your life—unrelated to athletics—that can give you that same feeling of doing something bigger than yourself.

Furthermore, I wanted to find a purpose for my body. I didn't want to feel as though I wasted my time building the muscles and stamina I’ve built over the past four years.

I decided to dedicate two hours of my day to using my body in a way that allows me to use all of the tools I've been honing for the past 16 years. This gives me an excuse to appreciate the fruits of my labor and practice self-love in a way that felt comfortable and natural to me as an athlete. Most recently, I have been learning how to play basketball. This allows me to run and jump and balance, it also gives me a shared goal to work toward with my teammates even if it is only for a brief couple of minutes.

Being an athlete is powerful. I think of the hours I would spend on the pool deck with my swim family, doubled over in exhaustion but united in our suffering. To all the athletes reading this who will face retirement one day, I beg you, find the parts of your sport that keep you going even when you feel like quitting.

If you can dig deep within yourself and find what makes you get back up and try again there is nothing you can't do. Resilience is a skill that requires nurturing and takes practice.

I try to push myself once a day, in whatever way I can. This could be as simple as studying for an extra hour, or doing an extra exercise after I told myself I would be done.

I wanted to write this article for anyone who finds themselves where I was. I don't claim to understand how the human mind works, and the proper ways to cope with retirement. I didn't heal all by myself. There are people there who want to support you.

Know in the space within your heart where athletics used to live, something new, bigger, and better will grow in time. Like anything that needs to grow, you must give it love and attention, and most importantly time.

No one can change who they are overnight. Retirement isn’t a permanent state of being, it is a process of change and growth. If you feel like a part of you is missing once you clean your locker out for the final time, you should know you are not alone.

My name is Logan Boynton. I am on the Swim and Dive team here at Northern. I am a Senior, majoring in Political Science. I am from Cass City, Michigan.