Navigating Identity Off The Track - Student Equity and Engagement Center

It was two hours before the school dance when I showed up at my friend’s house. Each of my peers was getting their nails, makeup, and hair done. I never dressed up, but that night I wanted to look (what I thought was) my best. One by one, people’s dates walked in and everyone shuffled to the backyard for pictures. Looking around, I realized I am just here with my friends, not with a date... At the time I identified as bisexual, and realized there was a very stark difference between my friends and I. I for one was just dipping my toes in my new identity.

Being away from home allowed me to reflect on my own constructed identity. Arriving at Northern, I saw a bigger presence of the LGBTQ+ community, where people were confident and secure with their identity. Flipping through my wardrobe, I quickly pulled out a suit I have always wanted to wear to a dance. Northern’s annual Queer Prom was so exciting, as I felt the comfort of dressing more masculine. This time around, I was
dressing my true best for the dance. Existing within that space made it easier to breathe. Within the gay community, I have found the passion and strength in advocating for the LGBTQ+ community as an athlete.

It's important for me to write about my experience on this blog, not just for others but for my younger self. As a young adult, the lack of representation of being a gay woman was so apparent, I didn’t even think it was possible! I had difficulty finding any content in the media that portrayed the experience of a gay woman. I hadn’t encountered much representation in books, TV, radio shows, or movies, that I could relate to. In hindsight, the lack of representation had definitely hindered my ability to recognize my true and authentic identity earlier. I want to be the model for generations behind me, I want to be that model for my younger self.

Coming into college, I was a pretty quiet person. One January day during some quick banter, my teammates asked me about guys I was talking to. At this moment I realized I either had to lie about my sexuality, or see their authentic reaction. After explaining I wasn’t into guys they immediately responded with, “Are there any girls you're interested in?” I felt an immediate sigh of relief. Without hesitation, I felt accepted and supported by my new family. There are moments throughout college where I feel isolated, but I can always rely on my team to make me feel safe and supported.

Not only do my teammates support my identity, but they have stuck with me through my mental health struggles as well.

Along with the rest of the country, I had lost my senior high school season to the pandemic. At the time, I was only focused on breaking a specific school record (I was 0.08 seconds away) my junior year of high school. Not only was it a devastating loss, but it also caused me to add more pressure on myself. This caused me to
experience feelings of resentment toward my favorite sport, so quickly determined I needed to dedicate time to care for my mental health to save my love for track and field. I turned to seeking counseling, and I found it extremely helpful. I was reminded, I chose the sport in seventh grade because I found it fun. I wasn’t concerned
about records and points and rankings. I accept that my perfectionism and anxiety will never go away, but I now have the tools to manage those emotions the best I can. I had to remind myself, twelve-year old me would be amazed to see we were still competing at the collegiate level. Twelve-year old me would also be happy to know I am still creating art.

Since kindergarten, art has been a tool to nurture my mental health. This includes drawing, painting, cross stitching, and digital art. My best work (if I had to choose) would be the mural I painted on my closet during the pandemic. Trying to process the loss of the major high-school milestones was difficult while also looking
forward to the next chapter. Since I was going to be studying Zoology, I decided to paint the entire animal kingdom based on taxonomy. This meant I had to research phylum, order, class, family, genus, and sometimes even species names. Pursuing the mural allowed me to look forward to everyday, allowing me to get through even the darkest moments.

Over the past four years, I have grown into the person I used to look up to. The process of deconstructing and rebuilding my identity has brought past obstacles and future challenges. From battling self-acceptance, to putting in effort to nurture my mental health, I realized these aspects of life get better with time. I would like to emphasize no matter who you are, what interests, traits, or identities you align with, there will always be a community for you to be a part of, and thrive in.

My name is Sydney Romps. I run for the Women’s Track and Field team, and I’m a rising senior studying Biology with a concentration in Zoology from Canton, Michigan.