Tell The People You Love, You Love Them - Student Equity and Engagement Center

Every battle I have faced always felt worse than the last, with having two surgeries in two years. My role on and off the field was constantly changing. Nothing could ever prepare me for the battle I had to face at 20 years old. Nothing could ever prepare me for my last memory with my mom, making her dinner and sitting next to her in bed just hoping she takes a few bites. 

I grew up with five siblings and two (absolutely) loving parents. We are a home full of love. I am so fortunate to grow up in the house I did, with the parents and siblings I had. All it takes is one text in the family group chat, with a day and time, and everyone shows up. Weekly dinners at my siblings’ houses have been happening for years now. Along with family dinners, soccer has always been a constant for me. 

Since the age of five, the weekends have been filled with soccer games, as I have been playing as long as I can remember. My parents and younger sister were always there cheering me on from the sideline. I was already committed to NMU when I had hip surgery my senior year of high-school (December 2020). After doing the best I could to recover, I had to redshirt my freshman year due to the severity of my injury. Later in the summer of 2022 I tore my ACL during a summer league game. 

This made me completely reevaluate continuing my soccer career. Two major surgeries within two years was something neither my body nor my mind was ever prepared to face. Coming to terms with my new role as a teammate was very difficult. I quickly had to adjust to leaving my heart out on the sidelines, as I've learned energy off the field is just as important as playing. It was just like how my parents have always left their heart out on the sidelines for me. 

My parents are also a very big part of my life. They are the base of my support system. No matter the mental battles I was facing they always made it known that they supported any decision I made but also knew my potential. They made it clear that I could overcome my injuries and they would do anything to help me do that. Every game I traveled for the past 2 seasons my parents came to. I was not playing but they were still there because no matter what they supported my team and wanted them to be successful with or without me on the field. 

Along with overcoming my injuries, my mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2021. 

Life became very unclear after that diagnosis but the one constant I had in my life was soccer and my teammates. On or off the field, soccer was always my escape. 

Without hesitation, my parents refused to let me come home and insisted I continued doing what I love most at NMU. Near the end of 2021, my mom was feeling off and knew something was wrong so she decided to get blood work done. After many inconclusive biopsies my mom was sent to NorthWestern hospital in Chicago where they were able to locate the cancer and give a diagnosis in February of 2022. She began receiving multiple different chemotherapies as well as surgeries to remove the cancer. My mom refused to let me come home and help her. 

She never had the same appetite and was forever changed. Chemo was taking a huge toll on her, she was breathing but her life was forever changed. When I would come home for breaks and any weekend I could, I would be left with a 7 hour drive home scared to see the reality of what cancer was doing to my mom. After having that same gut feeling of something being wrong just 5 months into remission, my mom had her scans just before vacationing to Florida. March 30th, 2023, I received a call from my parents informing me my mothers cancer was back. 

After a conversation with my dad on April 20th, I decided to go home to spend the next 25 days by my mothers side. Reality had set in, and I had to fill the role of being my moms caretaker, alongside my dad. She spent the majority of those 25 days in the hospital as the pain in her body was insufferable. 

On May 10th my mom lost her battle to a monster, cancer. My role once had to change, again as my little sister is only 15 trying to navigate the life of a teenager without her mothers advice. 

All the injuries and surgeries I had to overcome seem so miniscule now. Everyday is a battle of waking up, and learning how to walk through life without my mom. As my life may have been flipped upside down, the support I’ve received from my coaches and teammates is beyond compare. 

Soon after my Mom’s passing, my coaches and athletic trainer drove seven hours to come to her services. Each of my teammates individually wrote and mailed me a card. My family, teammates, coaches, and athletic trainer are the people who have continuously stuck with me through every battle. Without their constant check-ins and support, I'm not sure I would feel as comfortable coming back to school and grieving without my family. 

There is no amount of support that can compare to that of which I receive from my coaches and teammates. 

Not only do I have the opportunity to check in with my teammates and coaches, but I also participate in therapy once a week. Mental health has always been a battle for me as I've always dealt with anxiety which therapy helps to minimize. Therapy has allowed me to talk through my grief by assisting putting my feelings into words. 

There is not a day that goes by where I don't receive a text in the family group chat asking “how are you today” or just simply, “I love you.”These people have shown me I am not alone. 

Leaving home and heading back to school this upcoming school year did scare me. I won’t lie and pretend that being over seven hours away from home doesn’t affect me, but I continue to fall back on the support I have that makes each day a little easier. I have had ample support from my coaches who have consistently made it a priority to make sure I am putting my grief and mental health first. 

They have always said, some things in life are bigger than soccer and in my hardest moments, they are always there. It has always been hard for me to speak up about my mental health, as I and many student-athletes don't want to be perceived as “weak." I am here to first hand tell you battling mental health is not a weakness and it is okay to not be okay. 

My family has been beside me to remind me, life has to still move on (although that feels utterly impossible), and to know Mom would want me to continue chasing my dreams of playing college soccer. No matter how upside-down my life feels, I can most definitely tell you I have the most amazing people helping me build it back together. 

My mom would be proud to know we won the double! We are regular season champions and Gliac tournament champions. Although my mom was not here to see it, I know she was with us every step of the way.  It was hard to not have my mom on the sidelines for these exciting games but as my parents never missed a game, I had my dad there cheering us on. I am so thankful for my teammates who have been wearing purple ribbons this month in honor of pancreatic cancer awareness. Nothing could have made me feel closer to my mom than that. 

I'm so grateful for this opportunity to tell my story. Remember, to always hug your mom and tell the people you love, you love them. 

My name is Alyssa Eldridge. I am on the Women's Soccer team, and I am a Junior majoring in Public Relations, from Frankfort Illinois.

If you are struggling with bereavement, resources on and off campus are available.